The Abuser

                Muscular, loud voice, bad-tempered, grumpy. These are some of the characteristics of an abuser that I perceive. I even think that it's a part of their personality. But can the abuser change for the better? Or will he just stay the same and get worse?

  According to an article entitled "Abusive Relationships" in changingminds.org , an abusing person may have particular characteristics such as believing they're always right (and others are wrong), feeling powerful when angry, fearing loss of control and feeling good when achieving it, constantly concerned about being abandoned, is good at deception (including deceiving himself), enjoying manipulating others by charm, persuasion, and aggression, seeing a partner as a possession more than a person, being jealous, having different standards for themselves, for example, enjoying other relationships. The abuser may also have a past where he has been a failure in some way or had been abused themselves.

           It also stated in the article that not all abusers are men. The archetypal dominant wife who exerts close control over the 'little man' does exist. Such women can be highly abusive, although seldom in a physical way. Yet with the histrionics and constant nagging, the man is psychologically worn down and goes in constant fear of his partner ever opening her mouth.

                           

         So can the abuser really change for good? I've read an article entitled "The Last Straw" by Rebecca, she stated there:

"Yes, if the person wants to change, they can. You can not want them to change, they must want it." 

           Another article entitled "Your abuser will never change" by Lanna stated by Lanna herself:

"Your abuser will never change. This is my personal opinion based on my twenty years of working with abused women."

            As we can see here, people have different beliefs on whether an abuser will change or not. As for me, I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. But in the case of an abuser, I don't really think they would change because as I've said in my past blogposts, I don't believe in perfect relationships. The arguments will go on, peace talk is established, then calm phase occurs, then back to arguments. It's just a cycle.